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The student news site of Milwaukee Area Technical College

MATC Times

The student news site of Milwaukee Area Technical College

MATC Times

The student news site of Milwaukee Area Technical College

MATC Times

Opinion

When do you use ‘b’ word?

No! Not that “b” word. I’m talking about the “boyfriend” word. Or in some cases the “girlfriend” word.

There is an unwritten law somewhere (I’m convinced) that states when getting to know anyone of the opposite gender that you are to inform them of your relationship status, pronto.

My question is,does this “rule” only apply if you know the other person is interested in you, interested in something more than a merely platonic relationship? Which I would follow up with – how do you know? I mean, how do you know without them clearly stating it?

I don’t want to be that girl that name drops the moment someone even utters a “hi” my way. To assume every form of contact from a guy is a hidden message of their secret desire to date me would make me vain and conceited.
So, unless a guy clearly states his intention, is it wrong for me to assume it is purely friendship? What happened to innocent until proven guilty?

Yet, with that in mind – who wants to lead an unwanted suitor on? Nobody wants to be led down a path that leads to nowhere. But does that make it my job to tell everyone if I am involved and unavailable?
If you decide that it’s your job you face the dilemma of when the right moment to add the “my boyfriend anecdote” in.
Not too early in the conversation since you don’t want to assume you know the other person’s feelings, but not too late that you appear obtainable.

Another reason I don’t like to start my conversation with, “Hi, my name is Robyn and I have a boyfriend,” is because I want to be judged on my own merit. I don’t always want to be labeled as whoever’s girlfriend. I have my own identity.
I guess my point is that being a girlfriend is fun and enjoyable but it is only a part of a girl’s whole identity. How often do people introduce themselves with every single part of your personality or life? Usually a person waits to be asked about themselves, or until it is revealed in the flow of conversation.

To assume we should introduce ourselves with our name and relationship status makes me wonder where we should stop. What about our sexual orientation, should we include that as well? While we are at it, why not just add our address, salary and medical conditions?  
I would also prefer to tell the other person the real reason I wouldn’t go out for coffee or dinner with them. I am simply not interested.

Yes, I have a boyfriend but even if I didn’t, I still wouldn’t go. I don’t want the other person thinking the reason is just because I’m in a relationship. This being said I would go for coffee with a platonic friend, who my boyfriend knew about.
I am in no way promoting lying about your relationship status, I am simply wondering at which point you are meant to add this to your conversation.

You can see this is a subject that is often hard to maneuver, since people’s opinion on every situation may differ.
I think the best way to handle this particular situation is to bring it up with your partner. You can tell them how you would handle the situation, find out how they would handle it-and maybe together you can set some guidelines that ensure both of you feel safe and comfortable knowing what how your partner would react.

It’s probably also about time I tell you…I have a boyfriend.

I would love to hear your opinion on this matter so either stop by the MATC office and fill out a relationship survey or go to the MATC Times website and fill out an online survey. In the next issue we can explore the contrast of how men and women view this topic and let you know the  results.
 

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