The Times

Issue date: 5/9/08 Section: Perspectives

Media Credit: MCT Campus

"Manic depression is catchin' my soul," so sung the bitterly true words of Jimi Hendrix.

Unfortunately, manic depression has been catching the souls of many young college students. When one suffers with a mental disorder, it is incredibly difficult to cope with, even when treated. It is challenging to battle the feelings of confusion, hopelessness and emotional pain.

It was about five years ago when I recognized I was depressed, but I thought it would go away over time. I figured that with all of my personal troubles, school and work, I was just in an unhappy funk. Looking back, I realize that I have suffered from depression for as long as I can remember. Senior year in high school I bounced around from different antidepressant medications, however I was uncomfortable being pilled up to create "artificial happiness."

I continued to struggle the first few years in college unmedicated and suffering with major depression. Because of that, not only was I in deep emotional distress, but my academics severely suffered as well.

This past fall, I finally broke down and caved.

I had no choice but to head back into the doctor's office and try again. I could no longer fight the battle alone. After a thorough analysis, I was diagnosed with major depression and bipolar 1 disorder. I was catapulted into a state of denial and shame.

I thought, how could I be bipolar? I'm not crazy! For weeks I was convinced it was a misdiagnosis, but I stuck with the medication nonetheless, which eventually proved to help.

I lost some of the most cherished, memorable years of my life because of depression. I built the "great wall of Molly" around myself, pushing away friends, socially isolating myself and turned to unhealthy substitutes for an attempt to find happiness. I look back at that extremely dark period in my life with a sense of bitterness and regret. Bitter because of the immense pain depression caused me, and regret for not seeking help sooner.

As an unexpected victim of mental illness, I have felt the stigma society has placed around the disorder. When diagnosed, I was scared and to this day I still feel embarrassed.

There needs to be increased awareness about mental illness. Some have the preconceived notion of a person suffering from a mental disorder as unstable, overly emotional and incapable of leading a productive life.

A startling statistic from the National Alliance on Mental Illness, NAMI, shows that more than 70% of parents and students would be uncomfortable if a close friend or family member dated or married a person with bipolar disorder.

Continued...

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